


Blooming in My Chest

by PigeonPie4



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Blood, Body Horror, Death Fic, F/M, Gore, Hanahaki Disease, Hospital, One-Sided Attraction, Pidge x Lance one sided, Pining, Pining Pidge | Katie Holt, Post Season 8, Protective Matt Holt, Sad, hanahaki, lance doesn't love pidge, pidge dies, plance onesided, sort of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24118069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PigeonPie4/pseuds/PigeonPie4
Summary: Pidge has managed to quell her feelings for a while, but seeing Lance again stirs up old feelings. He still misses Allura, but Pidge loves him. She tries to hide the fact that she's dying, her chest filled with flowers, but fate has other ideas. At least she gets to see her family once more.Post Season 8Hanahaki
Relationships: Allura/Lance (Voltron), Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	Blooming in My Chest

Pidge couldn’t say exactly when it started. Maybe it was when they were digging through the fountain at the space mall for GAC to buy the videogame system. Maybe it was when he blocked her from an explosion during a mission. Maybe it was on one of their many nights staying up late gaming and talking trash. But at some point, she started feeling light when he was nearby. Pidge brushed it off, thinking it was nothing. She watched as he flirted with alien girls and rolled her eyes, feeling a slight pain in her chest. It wasn’t a big deal.

The first blow was when he and Allura started dating. Pidge smiled and congratulated them, but her chest was tight. She couldn’t find it in her to hate either of them. After all; Allura deserved happiness after everything that had happened. And Lance… he seemed happy too. Pidge put her jealousy to rest and forced her feelings down. Each time she saw them together, a cough tickled her throat, but nothing happened. 

She crushed her feelings enough to enjoy her day out with Romelle and Allura shopping. The highlight of her day, finding Killbot Phantasm, was quickly blotted out as she traded the game for Allura’s clothes for her date with Lance. 

It doesn’t matter, she thought to herself, It’s just a stupid game. Not like I’ll have anyone to play it with anyway…

And then Allura was gone. Everyone was thrust into a dark chasm of shock. It was unexpected, and yet they all knew this could have happened at any time. Hell, Lance almost died, and so did Keith. Pidge felt nothing but sorrow at her passing. It hurt her even more to know that Lance was hurting. He was devastated; crying at night loud enough for her to hear two doors down, no matter how he tried to hide it. His smiles were replaced by melancholy grimaces. Pidge just wanted him to laugh again. She’d do anything to see him flash that familiar grin and hit on a hot alien chick. 

The third blow came the night the lions left them. Of course, everyone was sad. Pidge felt as if there was a gaping hole in her chest. She was only seventeen, and already it felt as if she lost so much. The morning after they all went their ways. Pidge returned to earth and buried herself in work. She applied to college and was accepted, only to drop out a year later due to PTSD, anxiety, and depression. She refused to go to a therapist or a doctor even when her parents begged her. She moved out shortly after.

Her apartment was a little under seven hundred square feet, on the third floor of a brick building. There was little natural light, and Pidge spent most of her free time sleeping or working on a project. Since school didn’t occupy her time she put in extra hours at work.

Pidge lost contact with the other paladins. Hunk and Shiro had called her up while she was still in college, but that was months ago. Now she sat, hunched over an overflowing desk in her small apartment, scribbling furiously. Her abode was littered with clothes and mechanical parts, half finished projects. Oftentimes, she’d wake up to find that she’d fallen asleep at her desk. Life passed by, day by day; numbly.

Pidge had a coworker who she blackmailed into buying her alcohol. Some nights she drank herself into oblivion whenever she thought of the past and her teammates. Nobody needed Voltron anymore: what was she even doing? Dropped out of college, working third shift as a mechanic at just above minimum wage sixty hours a week, not seeing anyone… Pidge reached for the bottle and felt a tear slip down her face. Best to drown your feelings before they get to you.

She could only do so much, though, when Shiro called her up to ask if she was coming to the yearly reunion since she’d missed last year’s due to finals. He’d woken her up from a drunken stupor, but luckily didn’t notice if her voice was a little slurred. She said yes before her rational brain could catch up.

Three weeks later, she sat at a round table underneath the statue of Allura. Hunk sat on her left, Keith on her right. Shiro and Lance were across the table while Coran seated himself next to Hunk. There was a little conversation on what each of them had been up to. Pidge kept quiet. Her throat felt tight whenever she looked up. Especially when she glanced in Lance’s direction. He’d lost a little muscle, and there were those altean marks on his face, but otherwise he looked the same as before… before Allura was gone. He still had that wistful look whenever he spoke of her. Pidge felt a twinge of jealousy. Not now, she told herself.

Hunk said something she missed, but it was apparently hilarious. Lance’s face stretched into the biggest smile and- oh god- he let out a laugh. Pidge was pretty sure her heart stopped beating for a good minute while she stared at him. It was a glimpse of the old Lance: carefree and happy. Eventually he stopped and she resumed scribbling on her napkin, a tickle in the back of her throat.

“How about you Pidge?” Shiro turned to her, “What have you been up to? How’s college?”

Pidge’s head snapped up. How was she to answer that question? They had all moved on with their lives. She was stuck in the past, reliving the nightmare of the war each night. 

Drinking to forget love and heartache.

They were all staring at her, waiting for an answer.

“Uh, college is fine. I’m just working on projects.”

“How’s Chip doing?” Hunk asked.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she’d stopped working on the robot after dropping out.

“Good. Gotta reprogram him though. Too much sass.”

They all laughed and Pidge felt guilty lying to them. The night passed slowly, each paladin recounting their last year. As soon as it was acceptable, Pidge excused herself to her room. It was strange sleeping on New Altea. Her mind drifted back to Lance. She fought the urge to cough. She must be coming down with a cold.

Pidge sat up and hacked, covering her mouth with her hands. She coughed and coughed until something came up. She spat it out into the garbage, fully expecting it to be some glob of mucus. Instead, something soft fell limply into the trashcan. She reached in and picked it up. It was a little slimy with mucus, but undeniable: a single white petal.

****

Morning came and Pidge confirmed her fears. The moment she sat up, the coughing started and two more petal fell from her lips. She threw them away and reminded herself that this would pass, just like last time. She just needed to get home and forget about Lance again. 

The following days she was plagued with a persistent cough. Sometimes there were flower petals, sometimes not. Pidge spent more nights drinking, begging her feelings to leave her. Lance should not have been so forefront in her thoughts as he was. Her coughing worsened about a week and a half later. She started hacking up bigger pieces of flowers, and even an unopened bud. It had started becoming more painful. The petal, she figured, came from roses and peonies. The roses weren’t too bad to get out, but once the larger pieces came, the peonies nearly choked her. Breathing was getting difficult, and she could feel thorns starting to prick her lungs.

Three weeks into this agony she lost her job due to downsizing. Pidge had enough to cover rent for two more months. She laughed bitterly.

_If I survive this._

She hadn’t spoken to anyone since the gathering three weeks ago, not even her family. So it was unexpected when Matt called her up.

“Hey Pidge,” he smiled through the screen, “How’ve you been?”

She pasted on a weary smile and replied. “Good. How about you?”

“Just finishing up on one of the planets in the Rheldanian system. I’ll be home in a few weeks.”

“That’s great!” Pidge said before coughing again.

“Hey, you okay?” Matt’s face was etched with worry.

“Just a cold,” she waved him off, discreetly dropping the petals in her hands to the floor which was littered with them.

“Well, be sure to get some rest. Hey; I gotta go, but I’ll see you soon.”

Pidge said her goodbyes and shut off the tablet. As soon as it was off, another cough wracked her body and half a rose came out. 

****

_Laughter echoed off the walls as Pidge lifted a small child from the floor. She planted a kiss on the toddler’s face and settled them on her hip._

_“Lance!”_

_“What is it Pidge?” a familiar voice called back._

_“Are you ready yet?”_

_“Hey, beauty takes time!” he appeared in the doorway, straightening his tie. “And I want to look my best for our fourth anniversary dinner.”_

_“Well we’ll lose our reservation if you dawdle any longer. We’ve got to get Lex to my mom’s house.”_

_“After you,” Lance bowed and smiled, eyes crinkling._

_Pidge laughed and headed out to the car where she buckled Lex into the seat. Lance opened the door for her to get in and she made a show of being aghast._

_“Oh, just get in,” he kissed her forehead._

_They dropped Lex off and drove until they were out of the city. They threw out a blanket and some pillows, lying back to watch the stars._

_“Some reservation,” Lance snorted._

_“Shut up. You were taking forever,” Pidge laughed. “And this spot is reserved. Just nobody knows it is.”_

_Lance rolled over to face her._

_“Katie…”_

_Pidge turned her head to face him._

_“I love you, Katie,” Lance reached out a hand and cradled her face._

_Pidge leaned into it. It was warm and soft. She wished she could stop time in that moment._

_“I love you too, Lance,” she replied._

Pidge woke with a violent fit of coughing. She thought she was choking as she spit out two halves of a peony and three white rose petals, speckled with something dark. Pidge picked it up and held it to the light. Blood.

It was getting worse.

****

Pidge spent the next week holed up in her apartment. She didn’t answer any of the calls from Hunk or Shiro, or the one from Keith. She found herself unable to eat anything, but always thirsty. She guzzled water like there was no tomorrow. And for her, there might not be. 

Petals and partial flowers littered her floors and bed. There were even one or two entire roses in the living room. She didn’t bother to sweep them up. It wasn’t as if anyone was going to see them. After her dream about Lance, she’d felt the thorns start to take hold of her heart. The pain was constant, and her breathing had become labored. Not only that, her voice was fading. The plants were starting to reach for light, meaning they were making their way up her throat, digging thorns into the soft flesh of her trachea. It wouldn’t be long now before the disease took her over completely. 

A month and a half after leaving New Altea, there was a knock on Pidge’s apartment door. She peered through the peephole to see Shiro outside. Pidge glanced frantically over the petals littering the floor.

“Pidge? I know you’re in there.”

She didn’t answer.

“Why haven’t you been answering our calls?” 

“I’m busy,” she managed to croak out.

“We’re worried about you. I went to check on you at school but they said you haven’t been enrolled since last year. Why didn’t you tell us?”

Pidge felt something in her throat. She struggled not to cough.

“Pidge?”

There was a choking noise and a forceful cough. Something heavy fell with a wet _plop!_ to the floor. 

“Pidge! Open up! I’ll cut the door down if you don’t!”

Pidge struggled to stand, her legs feeling weak from lack of food. She unlocked the door and Shiro barreled in. He stopped short, surveying the petal-strewn apartment. Turning to Pidge, he saw the trickle of blood staining her chin. 

“Pidge…” he knelt down. “How long has this been going on?”

She looked up, feeling miserable, before holding up six fingers.

“Six days? Weeks?”

She nodded. Shiro cursed under his breath.

“Who is it?”

She pursed her lips and shook her head. She was not going to lay this burden on Lance. She remembered very specifically three years ago when he’d referred to her as his “younger sister”. There was no way he was romantically inclined towards her.

“We need to get you to a doctor.”

She shook her head again. She didn’t want to lose her love for her teammate. Even if she died. It was stubborn, she knew, but the rational part of her brain failed to work with these tendrils crawling up her throat. Besides, it was probably too late anyway.

“Come on; I don’t care what you say. Let’s go.” Shiro picker her up like a child and carried her down three flights of stairs to his car. He even buckled her in, but she didn’t have the strength to fight. They made it to the hospital in record time. Shiro had called her parents on the way over, and Hunk while they waited for a room. So far the words “hanahaki” had not slipped his lips. He had just said that something was wrong.

Something was wrong with nineteen-year-old Katie, and it was urgent. Pidge fought the urge to laugh. Here she was: nineteen, a dropout, washed up and dying of unrequited love. Only two years ago she’d been saving the universe. Two years ago, she’d still been whole. Her life had been simple: defeat the Galra. Now… now there was nothing. No goal, no point in living. Especially since the one person she loved was still pining over their dead lover. A dead lover she could never hope to live up to.

Tears began to spill from her eyes as she sat in the hospital bed. Shiro glanced over from his call to Keith. He quickly ended the call and handed her a tissue.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

Pidge shook her head.

The doctor came in and whisked her away for x-rays. And then an MRI. And a shitload of tests that all pointed to the same thing: it was too late to stop it. Had it been two or three days earlier? That would have been a different story. But the roots had already latched onto the heart and alveoli. There was no way to take out the plant without removing her heart and lungs as well. 

Sam and Colleen took the news harshly. They begged Pidge to tell them who was causing this, but she stubbornly refused. She would not saddle Lance with the guilt. Not even as she coughed up a handful of blood-stained petals.

Matt flew right home after hearing his baby sister was dying. He vowed to personally kick the ass of whoever had done this to Pidge. His Pidge.

Keith and Krolia both showed up to the hospital half a day later to see Pidge. Luckily, they had been nearby doing relief work. Pidge cried upon seeing them, prompting Shiro to ask her if it was Keith. When she vigorously shook her head, he sat back, brows furrowed.

Hunk came to see her the same day Keith did, still being on earth. He sobbed, holding her hand and begging her to tell him who was causing the disease. Pidge only patted his shoulder and smiled sadly, turning away to choke out another flower. The thorns had made their way to the back of her throat, so breathing was nearly impossible. She refused to have a tube put down her throat, but allowed them to give her oxygen.

Lance was the last one to make it. It was two days after Keith and Hunk had gotten there, and three days since they confirmed there was no way to remove it. The doctors doubted that even reciprocated love would fix someone this far gone. He burst in the door, panting, as the altean marks stood out against his tanned skin.

“Where is she?”

“She’s right here Lance,” Shiro pointed to the bed where a deathly pale Pidge lay, eyes closed, cracked lips parted to take in as much breath as possible. 

Tears welled in Lance’s eyes as he moved to clutch her limp hand, holding it to his chest. 

“Pidge…”

Her eyelids fluttered and opened halfway.

“Lance?” Her voice came out barely a whisper. She reached up to brush his cheek.

“That’s the first time she’s spoken since I got here,” Keith told him, arms crossed.

“Who’s doing this to you?” Lance demanded, “Tell me right now; I’m going to go drag their ass here!”

“I’ve already said the same thing,” Keith frowned, “She won’t spill.”

Lance turned his gaze to the small frame next to him. Pidge offered a strained smile, her breath rattling and wheezing.

“Pidge, you have to tell us; it’s the only way we can save you,” Lance pleaded, “We can’t go on without you!”

Pidge’s dry laugh set everyone on edge.

“You’ve been doing fine without me,” she wheezed. “You’ll be fine after I go.”

There was a shocked silence.

“No, we aren’t!! You’re going to stay!” Matt shouted.

“Matt,” she turned her head and coughed out two blood stained rose petals. “I’m dying. You can’t stop it.”

“We could if you would just tell us who it is!” Lance jumped up.

“He’d never return my feelings,” Pidge gasped and felt thorns digging into her chest. She put a hand to her heart and tugged at the hospital gown. Shiro stepped forward, unsure of how to help.

“You don’t know that!” Hunk said, “Maybe he loves you and you just don’t know it!”

“He loves someone else!” she shouted, her hoarse voice cracking. Tears threatened to spill.

There was silence.

“We.. we could still try. Are you sure he loves someone else?” Shiro put a hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah, he’s probably head over heels for you,” Lance crossed his arms. “You’re just oblivious.”

Pidge laughed, and it quickly turned into a cough. Suddenly she was choking, and she couldn’t breathe. Her face went red, then purple. Hunk panicked. Krolia smacked her back, but Pidge only struggled, hands to her throat, tears streaming at the pain. A large flower forced itself past the thorns and vines digging into her throat and out. It landed heavily on her lap. A full bloomed peony, perfect except for the copious amounts of blood soaking it, lay staining the white sheets.

Colleen’s hand was at her mouth, and Matt was holding Pidge’s head to his chest, stroking her hair and telling her it was going to be alright.

“Pidge, please… I don’t know how to convince you to tell us, but you have to,” Matt pulled away to look her in her eyes.

“I… I can’t,” Pidge choked. “I can’t do that to them.”

Another cough brought forth something less bulky than before, but still painful. A rosebud and four petals slipped from her mouth. She felt something hard, and spit it out. A rose thorn landed on the floor, smearing blood in a semicircle. 

Hunk gagged and Matt pulled her tighter to him. 

“They deserve to know,” Lance said, “Give them a chance.”

“Is it someone we know?” Shiro asked.

Pidge looked down, tracing one of the petals from the peony. 

“So it is…” Keith narrowed his eyes.

“Is it one of us?” Hunk looked up. “Oh god, is it me? Pidge I’m so sorry~”

“It’s not you Hunk,” Pidge put her hand on his.

“Who is it?” Keith leaned on the edge of her bed. “You didn’t answer Hunk: is it someone in this room?”

“N-no..” Pidge crossed her arms as she felt something prodding the back of her teeth.

“That’s you’re lying face,” Matt accused.

Pidge was about to object when she dry heaved. Hunk recoiled at the sound and Colleen lurched forward. Pidge coughed, feeling something roiling up from her lungs. She was breathless for several moments as she practically vomited out three roses, half a peony, and handfuls of bloodied petals. Not only that, but lying on top of the whole mess was a blood-stained juni-berry flower. Her face went pale and she looked up to where Lance stood, mouth agape.

“You… you love Allura?” he gasped.

Pidge found herself wondering how he managed to make it this far in life. The others were looking at her with curious gazes.

“But I thought you said it was a guy~”

Matt was the first one to figure it out. He had Lance pinned against the wall within seconds.

“It’s you dammit!” he growled. 

“Wh-what?” Lance blinked, looking dazed.

“It’s fucking you!” Matt roared. “She’s dying because of you!”

“M-matt!” Pidge coughed and spewed another handful of petals. “Please, stop~”

“Like hell!” he seethed.

Shiro pulled them apart, leaving Lance stunned.

“How long?” Hunk asked Pidge.

“I…” she gasped, her breathing erratic and shallow, “Since… b…beeeeef….”

Matt grabbed her by her shoulders.

“Katie?”

“Before coming back to earth,” she managed.

“Lance!” Keith turned on him, “Confess. Now.”

Lance stood dumbly. “But… but I don’t love her~”

Too quickly Pidge felt her throat constrict and sharp pains in her chest. 

Lance realized what he’d said and desperately tried to fix it.

“It’s not-not that I don’t love her! I just don’t think of her like… like that,” he wrung his hands. “I… I love Allura… even though she’s gone I can’t… can’t stop~”

Matt grabbed him by his collar. “Fucking take it back!” he snarled. “My baby sister is dying because of you! Can’t you find it in you to love her even a little bit?”

“That’s not how love works,” Shiro put his hand on Matt’s shoulder, “You can’t force it.”

Meanwhile, Pidge was struggling to breathe. She grabbed onto Keith’s shoulder, body wracked with pain and the need to breath. She opened her mouth to reveal thorny stems curling out. Petals dropped right and left as she choked on nothing, vines blocking her airway.

“Katie!” Colleen and Sam lunged forward. 

Keith screamed for a doctor and Matt was at her side in an instant. Pidge writhed as Hunk cried, arching her back. Shaking, her body tensed… her eyes widened and a tear slipped out. Slowly, as if time had slowed, her body relaxed, falling limp in Matt’s arms.

The heart monitor let out a piercing shriek and Hunk wailed in harmony. Matt buried his face in Pidge’s chest, her head falling back, mouth stuffed full of peonies in full bloom. Colleen and Sam had turned to each other’s embrace, Krolia put her arm around Keith, and Hunk was folding in on himself while Shiro put a hand on his shoulder with a solemn expression. Lance stood, dumbfounded. 

Pidge. The green paladin. Resident tech nerd. 

Gone. 

Forever.

Because of her love for him.

He sank to the floor, head in his hands.

“Katie!” Matt cried, “No! Come back! Please!”

He pulled back to look into her pale face. Pidge’s eyes were open, empty of the life they used to hold. Vines curled out of her mouth, tiny thorns poking into her soft, nearly translucent skin. Her mouth bloomed blood speckled flowers, the largest of which brushed the bottom of her nose. Her caramel hair lay limp around her shoulders, having grown out over the past two years.

She didn’t look like an angel. 

She didn’t seem at peace. 

She looked small and broken.

Matt brushed one of the flowers with his fingertip, tracing it down to her cheek. 

Pidge had known Lance wouldn’t return her feelings. She was trying to spare him. It had all been in vain when her body betrayed her with the juni-berry flower. Now her suffering had been in vain. If this had happened a week or two earlier, she could still be alive. She might not have feelings for Lance, but she’d be alive. 

Love could be so cruel, Matt thought bitterly as he watched a blood-soaked flower slip and fall unceremoniously to the floor. No matter how beautiful it looked, it could end at any moment and slip out of your fingers, leaving you at the mercy of life’s whims. For Pidge, it was hanahaki.


End file.
